Event Noir

21 March 16

(Sits down at the counter, removes fedora, places it to the side and grabs the menu.) Hey there, Myrtle. I’m hungry enough to steal the dog’s dinner. What’s the special today?

(Takes pencil out of beehive hair and places it on order pad, ready to go. Chews gum with an open mouth.) Hey handsome! A kinda-new 4.5-inch iPhone, a kinda-new 9.7 inch iPad “pro” and Apple Watch updates!

(Puts fedora back on and hands menu back.) Good chewing the fat with you, Myrtle!

You’re a panic and a half. I’m just tellin’ ya what we got. Tell you what, just because I like ya — Updates on China!

(Heads to exit) Gonna miss my cross-town train!

We also have OS betas, and if you’re real nice, maybe even you can get me to talk about the Department of Justice!

(Turns around with on hand on the door.) You still ain’t playin’ my tune, gorgeous.

(Arms akimbo, a frown on her face) Well, I guess we can talk about the new campus. That’s excitin’. People love the new campus.

I’ll read about it in the papers. What about all that headphone hoi-polloi?

Hey, we’re 86’n rid of that good-fer-nothin’ headphone jack once and for all. Pretty clever to do it now instead of waiting until September, huh?

I high-tailed it to Frisco for this?

Hey, nothin’ here tightens my wig, either, hot stuff. We’re just tryin’ to keep the stock up, kapiche? Now take a seat and eat what we feed ya.